Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
