If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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