I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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