Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My penis needs a shock collar
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
