I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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