Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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