I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
