Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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