OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
