Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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