whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
