My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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