Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
