He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
