I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
