Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
