I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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