Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
