your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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