My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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