apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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