I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
