Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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