I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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