I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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