guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
