1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
