Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
