Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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