I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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