Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
