you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy sore nipples Batman
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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