Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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