Non-Jews are for practice
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
