Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
