where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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