jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
