then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
