I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize