Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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