Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
