Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Welp...herpes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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