I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
