Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
