Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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