Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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