well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
