Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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