They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize