I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
