fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
