This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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