She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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