I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
