This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
