So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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