i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize