It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
