I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
