sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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