Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
