Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
