This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
