im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize