I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
