I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was confusing and full of hummus
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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