4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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