who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This baby is an asshole
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
