Someone shit on the floor
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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