here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will be naked everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
