After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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