i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
