dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
