Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
