I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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