We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
