Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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