At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
