That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
