elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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