dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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