He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
40s are totally the cure
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
