Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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