as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Terrible idea I love it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
