Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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