oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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