life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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