Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
